I love to be alone because I find comfort in loneliness.

School starts at 945 tomorrow so I can afford to sleep a little later I guess.

Been thinking the whole day. Again. I know this should not happen again. But I have to. Besides. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Yes stronger. I've even through alot. And im supposed to be stronger.

Sadly, that ain't the truth.

So I thought, about primaryschoollife again. I have to think of that to remember you. Primary one to three were peaceful. Four was okay. Five onwards was terrible.

J started loving you since primaryfive. After my fake crush over jerald. You guys were together after recess and I always wanted to talk to you. But I guess. I got no courage.

Then, pet society was still the thing. Hahah. I remember sending you stuffs and yea. I kept sending and sending. Until one day. You replied.

You said you spent all your coins to buy that heart shaped closet for me :') do you know how touched I was then. Tears flow down like it never before. That happiness. Then again. You send me a rose. You said happy Valentine's.

Charles Teo. You knew that will make me crazy yes. But you still did. Then a heartshaped wall sticker. I placed all three items in my main room so whenever you will visit, you will see that I treasure them alot.

To return you something, I bought you a bear. It has iloveyou on the paw of it. You placed it in one of the rooms :') you kept it. Thats all I have to know. I got another one for myself and we had couple bears :')

Graduation duty. You had me again. Asking me up to third floor during duty. But then jingli came along as well ): I wanted to know what you will say if we were alone. What will you do it we were alone. Charles Teo. I thought of so many things. Tell me what was going on in your mind then.

Jingli told me in the end that you thought I was pretty. Why didn't you tell me face to face? Charles iloveyou and that will really make my day I swear. Or night that it.

I wanted time to stop. Why didn't it?

Duty ended and we had to retrieve our bags. I saw yours on mine :') Charles did you put it on purpose? I kept thinking , but I will never know the answer.

When I met you again at the main gate, you waved goodbye with your sister with you. What were you thinking then again? Charles you keep making me think about you, why can't I read your inner thoughts?

Primary six was horrible.

PSLE was stressful enough then. But having you in my mind 24/7 ain't helping. Results dropped. But I didn't care. As long as you still talked to me, fight and quarrel with me in class. That was all I wanted then. Until.

August. You said it. You told me you will never love me. You told me to forget you. Oh Charles, how could I? Yes I still promised you. Having my results to drop was bad enough. You have to remain the top. I cannot drag you down with me. I remember it was a Friday when you said that. Yes I cried. 3hours was long. And unbearable. It's like someone just stabbed my heart many many times. It couldn't stop bleeding like how I couldn't stop tearing..

The following Monday I went to school. I wanted you see your expression. You looked as if nothing happened. Smiling and everything. Yes I told Edmond what you said. Edmond told me that he told you to tell me if you didn't like me back. I see tour choice. But why did it hurt?

I cried. I cried in the classroom cause I was on duty fourth floor where our classroom is. Tears just start to flow down whenever I remember that you were smiling. I couldnt stop.

Edmond came up to find me and he saw me crying as well. Edmond ain't good in comforting people so he just stood aside. I wanted badly to stop. I didn't want others to know how weak I was. Then I feel so small.

End of duty we had to go to the hall to report. I dried up my tears. But the. When I got down. People started asking me if I were crying. I looked at you again. You weren't paying attention to what you were doing. Falling on a flat surface. I knew you were listening when they ask if I were crying. Then. What were you thinking again?

I had to be strong.

I tried  befriending you again.  I promised myself you are you just as a friend this time. But then we were in the same clique. It ain't cool cause I have to see you and be reminded of how we were together. And what happened to us in the end. Charles.

I stalked you back every Friday. After art lessons where you will miss prefect meetings. I knew where you will walk after school. I will follow you from a distance. Slowly.

And then I knew you come to school by school bus. I even reach school so early just to beat you to school and to be able to sit with you during silent reading. At first yes we will sit together. Then you left. For duty. Then sitting at the back. When you first did that I couldn't understand why. I felt so heartbroken. Then I understand. If this were to continue. We will not be strong anymore.

Charles I miss you. I miss us. I miss those days when we smile at each other. Those memories. I regret Charles. I should have told you iloveyou. Maybe things will be difficult. Maybe.

How are you doing now Charles? Still that boy who aces his studies but is terrible in Chinese? Charles I remember you forever. And I dont want you to forget me.

Please tell me you will not. Please tell me you have not.

Guess I will be crying myself to sleep again.  Charles. I have died everyday waiting for you. Charles. Let our memories be forever in our hearts. And that we will live this memories again. Maybe not together. But forever, we will remember everything we have been through.

Charles. Love the Lucky one right. Tell her you love her. Don't regret like me.

Charles. I love you. But I guess this is fate. And that we aren't supposed to be together. But then again. Just remember that no matter what happens. I will be here. Even if you don't regard me as one, I will be your 大姐 waiting for you to come to me when you need me.

Charles I love you. Charles. Thankyou for the memories..