I love to be alone because I find comfort in loneliness.

So much mixed feelings about prom tonight.
It's the last actual event with the current batch of crazy people I've met throughout these 4 years. We shared so many fond memories that I really cherish and remember it forever. They say not to believe in friends forever. True that because this is when the insecurities begin. Again.

Yea so we all bid farewell in a high note. With laughter and smiles with lots of photos. But who can guarantee these friendship will last? The last time I remember. I saw all these friendship broken right in front of me. There wasn't even any warning. One minute we were playing together then the other, we became strangers. We don't even say hi when we see each other on the street. So much for a big clique where we all break apart and you guys became closer to others. 10 of us. Gone. That's why I really really cherish edmond. Take all away but just leave me my 二弟and三弟 so that ace will be complete and I will have something to keep for my own.

What's the use of being close to one another when the next thing that's gonna happen is farewell. For good. I really hate goodbyes. It leave me with so many insecurities. When we get close. I really trust you and I quite rely on you for joy and assurance. When that disappears. I'm left with nothing. At all. Second series of farewell. I hope the friends I made this time round will remember me for who I am and will look for me in times of darkness or light. I want to be a reliable friend for people, if only they remember me.

Too much loss the first time round sent me to the clutches of depression. I hope that this time I will suffer less and that I will be strong enough to withstand any departure. I no longer look for people first. Should I say that this was a lesson learnt? To not open up easily because the more dependent I am on others. The more I suffer when goodbyes come.

I look back know and think. Did I do anything wrong? What happened to us to fall broken like that. Going our separate ways and losing contacts. Why is our friendship so fragile that it fall apart as it sailed through the stormy sea of time? Were the promises made then a lie? Was  laughter shared then an act? Was our friendship a joke? Gone like that I don't know if I am to be blamed or ..

Over thinking really kills me. It just leave me feeling all alone again. Tonight. I hope I get to dream tonight. Because it is our only escape from reality.