I love to be alone because I find comfort in loneliness.

Today is such a suffocating day when I really feel so tired of everything after so long. Crazy things just pop up to my mind and I took so long to calm myself down again. What if I can't find the need to be me again. The last motivation (?) I had is slowly leaving I can feel it. I need a stronger something that can make me feel strong to keep me going if I even want to anymore.

It's just so tired to balance everything and I can feel it slowly drifting apart. Everything that seemed perfect then. Not so much now. I can't help but think if I'm at fault. Did I put in too less effort to maintain relationship with people? It turns out that I don't know how to. How to say hi, how to keep the conversation going on, or even how to let the other party know I'm engaged within. It's me and this stupid illness I have that takes away trust so easily nowadays. How can everything turn out to be so wrong after time gone by. Everything.

Well it's probably me. Again. Maybe I should stop trying. It's too tiring and I'm sick of this game of life.