I love to be alone because I find comfort in loneliness.

Did a couple of personality tests today to help me think through my life a bit. I wonder if it calms me to think that my personality type is the rarest in population. 1-3% hmm.

infj

I'm not too sure how much of those stuff I should read and believe, but whatever that was presented was so relatable. I don't know how to explain this. Its like a part of me felt relieved that someone (or smth the internet bleh ) knows me . Yet I refuse to have my innerself be so easily exposed through some questions on the net. Its just so conflicting.

It has been raining these couple of days. And I couldn't resist getting under the rain at the old spot to think again. I don't know, every rainy season. I see an impulse to get under the rain,  just get drenched. Maybe cry within since tears can be well disguised as rain. Maybe I'm trying to fool myself into cleansing my soul heh. Pathetic fool.

As in 10 days ( I think) totally not prepared for it. Yet I don't feel a sense of urgency. I'm still not panicking over everything that I've not studied. Maybe I've given up of this shit.

And I've realized how many "maybe" there are in my life. Its just so weird. Its supposed to be my life, and yet I'm having so much uncertainty over it. I really should start getting a grip over myself, convince myself that there will be guys out there who will be worth it, and enjoy the micro bits of life- those that will really matter.

I look up to the sky tonight yet again. I do not see any stars tonight. Yet staring into it, brings me a feeling of calmness and relief.  I guess it's the allure of true darkness ; irresistible yet charmingly dangerous at the same time.