I am living, though it gets more difficult to get through the days. 

I am living, but I don't know what am I living for.

I am living, yet I don't feel alive.

I am living with no goals, no aspirations, no reasons. I am living my life of minimal commitment. 

To me, while there is comfort in loneliness, there is also peace in familarity. That is a one gamble I am not willing to bet on. 

Changes are suffocating. Expectations are drowning me. 

Behind all that, being expressionless just hides them all. Being aloof, pretending nothing matters. Doing everything quietly, in my own pace. Who need friends when there is music? I do, I just..

Not many understand the agony of social anxiety. How it significantly affects everyday life. Always being misunderstood as being 'anti-social', sometimes as 'introvert'. Explaining it to be understood is so draining; people always want to believe what they think is right. 

Meeting new people. Always difficult. One way that definitely do not work for me is through camps, orientations blahblah. The crowd, the atmosphere, the requests, the attention, the interactions; gosh. 

I can already imagine the anxiousness and suffocation. That's where I lose out I guess. I don't get to experience these strong feeling of belonging. OC seems like something everyone else anticipates and enjoy themselves thoroughly. Not me. 

Sometimes, I just feel exhausted trying to be stronger than what I am. I really need a daily reminder to just, breathe.