If you're not the one.
Profile

I love to be alone because I find comfort in loneliness.
Tuesday, July 24, 2018, 11:34 AM
.

One will never know how much another is going through - even if they look happy with their life.

Because with all honesty, that's the most one can do before breaking down completely.


Met my pri6 FT very recently during work. Reminded me about one year before, where she dined in at CU and I had to serve her as well. Both instances she kindly said hi first. That was something, i don't know, i really didn't expect. I really thought we will walk past each other as per strangers would, because I know I will never make the first move. Her kindness is q memorable thinking back now.

I've never really liked her as my teacher, she started the history of me hating on my English teachers. She was the first teacher who called me into the staff room, gave me a lecturing, made me cry in school. (Not the first time I cried though, the first time was a Monday; i vividly remember. I felt broken from edmond's way of protecting me the previous Friday and that Monday, during my recess duty, i just broke down in front of Edmond when we talked about it, in our classroom on the 4th floor of the building that no longer exists as it was now. I cried my heart out and as recess ended, we walked back to the hall together w my crazy red eyes and only Nathanael noticed thankfully. What a thing to remember) . With a strong facade, i tried to hold back my tears so badly as I just reported for staircase duty straight away. Damn I really hated that more people saw me cry this time round; I'm comfortable w ed but, let's just say I don't like appearing weak.

I know she is a good teacher; she earned the respect and love of so many students. But there is just something about her that made me distanced from her. Eventually it became being distanced from the class, the school and every one else there. Not that the she is the root of it definitely, but there is a slight factor. I don't want to pretend that I really love her for the sake of being a part of what I then was. Why on earth do I overthink stuff since young..

Primary school days huh, it was fun while it lasted. It taught me that farewells are toxic. Separation hurts so badly. And walking a new path alone, really is very difficult and lonely. Too bad I learnt nothing from these lessons since I'm still repeating my mistakes somehow. I'm such an idiot.